Shock: Cheers, salmon cakes! It’s me, Shock Fockerman, back with another blogcast episode of Comedy Death Bang. I am here with a very special guest comedian, and friend, Pete L. Fompkins. Welcome Pete!
Pete: So good to see you my good friend. It’s a nice studio you have here. Even though I don’t really know why you need studio space to write a blog, or why we have to take turns on the computer writing this, but I’m excited.
Shock: Pete, always a master of the backhanded compliments. So tell me Pete, what’s been going on? Whats been happening?
Pete: Shock, you know I can’t reasonably answer both of those questions at once, but I will take it from the top. I’ve been working hard and touring a lot.. trying to work on my new stand up special.
Shock: That’s sounds exciting! Do you have a name for the special?
Pete: Yes, “Special Stand Up.”
Shock: That’s not very imaginative.
Pete: No, but fitting because I’m going to do the entire special as a character who is special. Like IQ of 60 special.
Shock: Ohh Pete, as your good friend and unofficial manager, I am going to heavily recommend that you don’t do that. That really won’t fly these days.
Pete: I accept your sage advice, Shock, but it’s too late, I already have 38 minutes of material done.
Shock: That seems oddly specific. So you are getting close to done with the full hour then?
Pete: Well I’m doing what my character considers to be an hour. Which is 38 minutes..so that’s why I said it’s too late.
Shock: This just keeps getting worse..engineer Jake..maybe we should scrap this interview?
*Jake motions to Shock*
Shock: No? Okay, we are getting word that it’s too late to scrap this.
Pete: I still don’t really see what the big deal is. This character is going to be spot on. His name is even great…Bo Derrick. But he pronounces it Buh Durett.
Shock: OMG, all of our sponsors will for sure be pulled for this episode.
Pete: You have sponsors?
Shock: Yes, I guess I have been forgetting to mention we are brought to you by phone books. Phone books, we proudly kill trees to give you 15 lbs of bullshit you could find online. Phone books. Now with more ads!
Pete: Well how does that sponsorship work? Everyone gets them regardless. I don’t even see how there could be money involved.
Shock: Alright, if you really want to know, we are just trying hard to get them to sponsor us. We don’t have any sponsors. You happy Pete? Making us look like fools?
Pete: I have never been happier, Shock. You may want to give more complimentary promotion if that is the case.
Shock: Pete. Can I call you PLF? I don’t tell you how to go about your job.
Pete:…Reaalllly. *sidewards look*
Shock: Welll, I guess you got me there. Anyway, Pete, how has the touring been going?
Pete: Well, I will be honest, it can be hit or miss, but most of my small town crowds seem to like the material. Although, when I was touring in Kentucky, Alabama and Mississippi, or even northern Maine, for some reason they thought I was just mocking them.
Shock: There goes our southern telephone book sponsors and demographic.
Pete: They are called Bibles down there, Shock.
Shock: Well, of course..say that’s actually not a bad sponsor idea!
*Strange man enters room decked out in a pilot outfit*
?: Hello everyone, this is your captain speaking.
Shock: I’m sorry sir, where did you come from? I didn’t realize we were in a plane.
?: I’m Rick and I run the Copilots program here in Bath Co. and I understood that you have an open door policy…well..I was hoping to get some air time to pitch my services.
Shock: You can’t just barge in here and ask to plug whatever you want. I was having a nice conversation with my friend here.
Rick: Does he have something wrong with him? He kind of looks like the spokesperson for disability.
Pete: That’s so nice of you! I’m just a method comedian!
Rick: I don’t quite get it..but I think I could actually use your skills.
Shock: Hold on here, Rick what excactly are you angling at?
Rick: Well, like I said, I run the Copilots program. Basically, I coach directors in how to make a more successful pilot episode, so that it is more likely to be picked up by channels. I am also a retired pilot, which is why I chose the name Copilots. Pretty clever huh?
Shock: Yeah, pretty clever…so tell me what t.v. Shows have you helped sell?
Rick: Ever heard of “Two Broke Girls”?
Shock: Yes..you worked on that?
Rick: Well, not formally, but the creators did ask my opinion on the title for the show. I asked them, well, what’s it about? And Whitney Cummings was like, “a couple of broke girls.”
Shock: Ohh, wow so that’s where they got that totally creative title? *sarcasm*
Rick: Not exactly, I said ” How ’bout A Couple of Impoverished Broads”?
Shock: Haha, I definitely like that better, but I can see why they would have gone the other direction.
Pete: You know, I am looking to kick off a pilot, do you think you could help me market it?
Rick: I would love to..I love helping all of our special people. What do you have so far?
Pete: Alright, it is about three homeless guys who find an abandoned broken down school bus in the middle of the woods and make it their home. They do a lot of drugs and get into the bus and every episode they “travel” with the bus to another drug-laced land. I call it ” The Magic School Bus.”
Shock: I think PBS might have a problem with that.
Pete: Really? Why? I was gearing this one to be picked up by PBS.
Rick: Actually, this has great bones already. First off, we need to get specific, what drugs are these bums taking? I’m thinking it has to be LSD and mescaline for a PBS audience. You go towards uppers or downers and you are going to lose the learning audience. Secondly, what genre are you billing this as?
Pete: I was thinking dramance or documentary.
Shock: Ha ha, hold on now!
Rick: Yes! Exactly! If we throw in a ” the more you know” segment during the pilot we got this. So for the pilot plot it needs to be an innovative episode that doesn’t push the envelope too far, but gets people absolutely needing more. You need to come out of the gates with one of your hobos may be in need of life support at the end of the episode.
Shock: I don’t really think the audience is going to have enough invested into the characters to be pulled into that.
Rick: That’s where you are wrong Shock, that’s where you are always wrong. This pilot episode has to be all about that one possibly dying bum. His backstory, how he became homeless, his front story, his family that left him behind, and the fact that when he was little, Ebenezer Scrooge made it so that he would be living with a bum leg for the rest of his life…
Shock: Yup, more infringement is always good..
Rick: …and to seal the deal, we can actually just make his character Oscar the Grouch because the PBS audience already loves him.
Shock: I really don’t think this is solid advice.
Pete: Shock, just shut up for a sec. I think this is going to finally be a winner.
Rick: I’m telling you, I only make winners.
Shock: Alright, well we will agree to disagree. Also, I believe it is time to play our second installment of Would You Rather! Care to join us Rick?
Rick: I know I got this game in the bag, or my name isn’t Rick Rickerton!
*to be continued in WYR #2*